TeaRs & FeArS

Mum goes on shopping with me. Sat down for a break at TCC Peranakan Place.

We started chatting, then for some reason, came to the age-old topic of how inappropriatly I dress, or how I am not like a girl and do not take care of my appearance.

Then it drifted to how I do not get a boyfriend or get married.

In public, she discussed this loudly. Shaming me.

I told her firmly that the conversation should stop right there. She carried on regardlessly.

I do NOT want to be stuck with her. Not on tour, not at home.

I want to get out of the family as soon as possible.

 

Melbourne? That is a solution, IF I can deal with the new found loneliess that awaits me there. 

No I am not ready to deal with that. Even now, I am lonely at home during Christmases and New Years.

That is sad for me. 

 

Moving out to a flat? That is so tempting, but that will incur another set of bills to pay, and in default keeps my family from saving money. Together as one unit, we can save money. Not a very convincing argument, this one.

 

NO I do NOT have a choice, I do NOT have a resolution. 

 

I am stuck with living with my parents, because I am stuck with certain values of "right" and "wrong". 

What is the real issue? That I am not courageous enough to make my life choices firmly. Not courageous enough to show my parents to get out of my life.

I HATE THEM.