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24 June 2008
My Heart Flutters
As mentioned before, I am not for people who can't seem to live without a partner. I think a single person an be as fulfilled as everybody else who has a married life.
But why does my heart wander when I do not have a relationship / when I get over a relationship?
It seems that it is always searching, searching to rest on someone.
My eyes searches for potential guys, and heart flutters when it senses one.
Some of them will keep hanging in my mind.
Then I have to snap back to reality to remind myself that I am no longer as attractive as I once was.
Recently I dreamt of a guy I had never met in my life. He has braces and he just smiles and smiles.
I do not know whether I was actually afraid of that image but I was not scared awake.
I don't like this pulling myself back to the ground to avoid floating and getting carried away, being attracted to certain guys in the office. I am watching myself closely to avoid showing that I am attracted to them. I sometimes give myself away without knowing.
THIS IS SICKENING!
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