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12 April 2008
Goose Pimples
Wah, read this, perhaps once in a while so as to give myself a confidence boost? HAHAHAHAHAHAH Am I mean to display this on a blog? though anonymously? Is this bad and inviting bad karma?
Dear, dear Lorena,
I have just received your e-mail and I'm so very sorry to hear about your awful pain and despair. Oh, poor you ! What pain you've been in ! It's just terrible to hear how you've been suffering. I don't know what to say except that I want to take you in my arms and hold you and take away your pain. But, dear Lorena, please, please, please don't have these thoughts about 'leaving this world' anymore. I can't bear to read that. You're so beautiful, so warm, so friendly, so feminine and, for what it's worth, you took this man's breath away when he met you. I feel hugely privileged that you felt you could write to me about what you've been going through, and I want you to know that no matter how difficult things get, or how negative you feel, I am always here, okay ? Please write to me at any time and I will always reply or, even better, call me (+44 4444 444 444 home in UK or +44 4444 444 444 mobile anywhere). I can always call you back if you wish to save money. You can call me at any time. I don't care if it's day or night, just call if you want or if you need to talk about anything. I don't care what it's about. If you need to talk about the pain you're in, your worries or your heartache about relationships, please just write or call me, okay ? No strings. I don't expect anything. Just want to be here for you if that helps, because meeting you, dear Lorena, touched my life in the loveliest possible way.
I so hope that your eczema is a little better today, when you receive this message, better even by the smallest degree. Maybe some of the pain has subsided now. I certainly hope so. I hate to think of you going through such suffering.
You know, I do understand about the pain and the feelings of self-destruction one undergoes when your partner leaves you. As you'll probably recall, I married the same woman twice because I loved her, openly and freely and with all my heart, and I believed in everything good that was our marriage - only to have this totally trashed by her. However, I have come to understand that some people never respond to this kind of openness to life, and one has to let them go their own way. It's hard; very, very hard. Your ex left you, dear Lorena, not because you were bad, not because of your eczema, not because he was younger, but because he was not ready for the beautiful you. Don't you see that ? There's nothing wrong with you, and there's absolutely no reason to blame yourself in any way for another person's shortcomings any more. I know this is easy to say, and you're probably thinking, "stupid Kit, what does he know?", and I quite understand your feeling like that, but, at the end of the day, sweetheart, only you can live your life. When a man has the wisdom, intuition and humanity to see the wonderful things you bring to his life, then he will love you with all his heart. I know that this is true and you've just gotta believe me. Please trust my judgment in this.
Well, I must go back to work now. I'm sorry that I can't write more, but work is very pressurised at present. I crave sleep ! Lol. However, I am sending a warm, tender hug and lots of friendship to a very special lady in Singapore.
I'm also going to attach a picture of my children in Venice, taken in November, and a very happy photo taken with good friends in Melbourne the day before I met you. :-)
Please write again soon.
Kiss kiss,
XXXxx
I have just received your e-mail and I'm so very sorry to hear about your awful pain and despair. Oh, poor you ! What pain you've been in ! It's just terrible to hear how you've been suffering. I don't know what to say except that I want to take you in my arms and hold you and take away your pain. But, dear Lorena, please, please, please don't have these thoughts about 'leaving this world' anymore. I can't bear to read that. You're so beautiful, so warm, so friendly, so feminine and, for what it's worth, you took this man's breath away when he met you. I feel hugely privileged that you felt you could write to me about what you've been going through, and I want you to know that no matter how difficult things get, or how negative you feel, I am always here, okay ? Please write to me at any time and I will always reply or, even better, call me (+44 4444 444 444 home in UK or +44 4444 444 444 mobile anywhere). I can always call you back if you wish to save money. You can call me at any time. I don't care if it's day or night, just call if you want or if you need to talk about anything. I don't care what it's about. If you need to talk about the pain you're in, your worries or your heartache about relationships, please just write or call me, okay ? No strings. I don't expect anything. Just want to be here for you if that helps, because meeting you, dear Lorena, touched my life in the loveliest possible way.
I so hope that your eczema is a little better today, when you receive this message, better even by the smallest degree. Maybe some of the pain has subsided now. I certainly hope so. I hate to think of you going through such suffering.
You know, I do understand about the pain and the feelings of self-destruction one undergoes when your partner leaves you. As you'll probably recall, I married the same woman twice because I loved her, openly and freely and with all my heart, and I believed in everything good that was our marriage - only to have this totally trashed by her. However, I have come to understand that some people never respond to this kind of openness to life, and one has to let them go their own way. It's hard; very, very hard. Your ex left you, dear Lorena, not because you were bad, not because of your eczema, not because he was younger, but because he was not ready for the beautiful you. Don't you see that ? There's nothing wrong with you, and there's absolutely no reason to blame yourself in any way for another person's shortcomings any more. I know this is easy to say, and you're probably thinking, "stupid Kit, what does he know?", and I quite understand your feeling like that, but, at the end of the day, sweetheart, only you can live your life. When a man has the wisdom, intuition and humanity to see the wonderful things you bring to his life, then he will love you with all his heart. I know that this is true and you've just gotta believe me. Please trust my judgment in this.
Well, I must go back to work now. I'm sorry that I can't write more, but work is very pressurised at present. I crave sleep ! Lol. However, I am sending a warm, tender hug and lots of friendship to a very special lady in Singapore.
I'm also going to attach a picture of my children in Venice, taken in November, and a very happy photo taken with good friends in Melbourne the day before I met you. :-)
Please write again soon.
Kiss kiss,
XXXxx
20:30 Posted in Blog | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
11 April 2008
Irascible
Was invited to add this application in Facebook. Called something like "Birthday Meanings" and found this part of my greatest weakness pretty accurate:
"Irascible and easily stirred up to strong love or bitter hatred, jealous and envious."
And I can't agree more. That was what my poor-ex had to put up with.
So its understandable why he left me. hahaa
13:35 Posted in Blog | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
10 April 2008
Excruciating Pain
I wrote back to the British scriptwriter:
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Hi XXX,
Yes definately change is the only constant thing in life, I couldn't agree more.
But change itself has two edges: change for the better or for the worse.
Today I am writing to you in pain, my skin just did a turn for the worse. This part of me, ugly, not at all positive, and you will see for the first time how negative I can get when things get to this stage.
A week ago, my mum cleaned up my room as usual, and noted stains on my pillow. Got me a new pillow and insists that I have a towel on top of the pillow cover to reduce the stains. We gather the stains come from the humidity in Singapore as well as oil I put in my scalp when I sleep.
Monday evening at work, I felt this intense itch, in some parts of my body that I have to keep going toilet to wash to ease the itch, not the scalp tough. My scalp started oozing this..... secretion. But just the base of my head. So I just used tissue to dab the liquid off and excused myself away from work for the day.
Tuesday early morning, I found more oozing from my head and that intense itch from the part of the body again. Half the head was in that secretion my scalp oozed out. I popped two steroid tables and showered to get the secretion away and went to work as usual. Along the day, the secretion and itch just increased. I ignored it.
Come Wednesday early morning, I awoke to find the towel on my pillow totally wet from the oozed secretion. My head was totally damped I was shocked. I went straight to the shower and washed away the secretion. The pain was excruciating. I felt faint. I quickly applied my usual medication on the rest of my body and dressed up and headed straight to the hospital. I did not alarm my parents, knowing how they tend to exaggerate and worry too much. And I will get more stressed from their reaction and that itself will bring about more problems to my skin. ( Eczema reacts to stress pretty badly.)
When I got to the hospital I was the first in queue, and I went straight up to the nurse and said "Hi, I am aware the specialist will only see patients upon making appointments. But this is really really urgent. Can you speak to Dr Tay to say I need to see him?? He knows me, and its an emergency!"
The nurse went "Dr Tay is not in Singapore at the moment, will only be back two weeks from now."
" I have to see one as soon as posslbe. Which other skin specialist is available?
"Dr Ang, and I cannot guarantee he will see you. We place the patients on appointments in priority, even if you wait, and he comes in only at 10am ( it was 8.30am then), I can't guarantee he will see you. So its better to have made an appointment."
I was quite desperate and sounded very impatient to say "Yeah I am aware, as I have said before but I can't predict an emergency~"
"Yeah I understand."
"So I will just head down to the National Skin Centre then...."
She shrugged and gave me my appointment card back.
This is the service attitude, that is supposed to be good, in Singapore?~?!~?~?~?~ She could have suggested me to head down to the Accident and Emergency (A&E) department! And she did not mention anything! That shows how willing she is in helping yeah? But anyway, I do know about the A&E in Singapore and think I'd rather be with a specialist who is familiar with me. So I headed down to National Skin Centre to see the previous specialist I was with, who watched me grew up in this skin disorder.
When I finally reach National Skin Centre, I asked to see Dr Seow,. Thank goodness he was on duty! I was put on queue without appointment so I had to wait like 1 hour to see him. Fair deal for me really, as I could have been made to wait 5 hours at other clinics without appointment as well.
Dr Seow called my number. I knocked and entered his room.
"Hi Lorena! Long time no see! how have you been"
"Pretty bad shape doctor. If I am here to see you, that means I can't handle this on my own"
He reached to feel my hands, and I said "Its my scalp Dr Seow, I don't if you are prepared for this. If you remember, I have had this scalp eczema since I was 12, but it was never this bad! I have a towel on my pillow and it was all wet this morning with this...... secretion thing. And my hair was all damp!"
He looked at my scalp. "Yeah its like that when its acute, that's why its called "shi zheng (wet illness in mandarin)". There will be secretion when its acute, and the reason why it is this bad now is most likely because you have suffered an infection.....Have you used a different shampoo lately? No? Any contact with chemicals? Do you dye your hair? No? Change in diet? ok, have you had flu or fever recently?"
"Yes I just recovered two weeks ago, finished the anti-biotics and still had the sore throat for another week..."
"That is probably when you are infected. Eczema patients have open wounds around their body as the skin cracks from dryness. That makes Eczema patients easily infected, further more if you are weak from fever, you get infected even more easily. No cause for alarm, Lorena. Use the shampoo I prescribe. I will also give you a heavy 60 tablet steroid course. You take a good 3 days rest. I am giving you 3 days MC. And I want to see you again in another two weeks."
"How long do you think I will take to heal Dr Seow?"
"At least 3 days.... if not then by the end of the week you should be fine."
"Really no cause for alarm? It was never never this bad. Hardly had secretion from half the head, less say the whole head." I sounded.. upset, I guess.
But change itself has two edges: change for the better or for the worse.
Today I am writing to you in pain, my skin just did a turn for the worse. This part of me, ugly, not at all positive, and you will see for the first time how negative I can get when things get to this stage.
A week ago, my mum cleaned up my room as usual, and noted stains on my pillow. Got me a new pillow and insists that I have a towel on top of the pillow cover to reduce the stains. We gather the stains come from the humidity in Singapore as well as oil I put in my scalp when I sleep.
Monday evening at work, I felt this intense itch, in some parts of my body that I have to keep going toilet to wash to ease the itch, not the scalp tough. My scalp started oozing this..... secretion. But just the base of my head. So I just used tissue to dab the liquid off and excused myself away from work for the day.
Tuesday early morning, I found more oozing from my head and that intense itch from the part of the body again. Half the head was in that secretion my scalp oozed out. I popped two steroid tables and showered to get the secretion away and went to work as usual. Along the day, the secretion and itch just increased. I ignored it.
Come Wednesday early morning, I awoke to find the towel on my pillow totally wet from the oozed secretion. My head was totally damped I was shocked. I went straight to the shower and washed away the secretion. The pain was excruciating. I felt faint. I quickly applied my usual medication on the rest of my body and dressed up and headed straight to the hospital. I did not alarm my parents, knowing how they tend to exaggerate and worry too much. And I will get more stressed from their reaction and that itself will bring about more problems to my skin. ( Eczema reacts to stress pretty badly.)
When I got to the hospital I was the first in queue, and I went straight up to the nurse and said "Hi, I am aware the specialist will only see patients upon making appointments. But this is really really urgent. Can you speak to Dr Tay to say I need to see him?? He knows me, and its an emergency!"
The nurse went "Dr Tay is not in Singapore at the moment, will only be back two weeks from now."
" I have to see one as soon as posslbe. Which other skin specialist is available?
"Dr Ang, and I cannot guarantee he will see you. We place the patients on appointments in priority, even if you wait, and he comes in only at 10am ( it was 8.30am then), I can't guarantee he will see you. So its better to have made an appointment."
I was quite desperate and sounded very impatient to say "Yeah I am aware, as I have said before but I can't predict an emergency~"
"Yeah I understand."
"So I will just head down to the National Skin Centre then...."
She shrugged and gave me my appointment card back.
This is the service attitude, that is supposed to be good, in Singapore?~?!~?~?~?~ She could have suggested me to head down to the Accident and Emergency (A&E) department! And she did not mention anything! That shows how willing she is in helping yeah? But anyway, I do know about the A&E in Singapore and think I'd rather be with a specialist who is familiar with me. So I headed down to National Skin Centre to see the previous specialist I was with, who watched me grew up in this skin disorder.
When I finally reach National Skin Centre, I asked to see Dr Seow,. Thank goodness he was on duty! I was put on queue without appointment so I had to wait like 1 hour to see him. Fair deal for me really, as I could have been made to wait 5 hours at other clinics without appointment as well.
Dr Seow called my number. I knocked and entered his room.
"Hi Lorena! Long time no see! how have you been"
"Pretty bad shape doctor. If I am here to see you, that means I can't handle this on my own"
He reached to feel my hands, and I said "Its my scalp Dr Seow, I don't if you are prepared for this. If you remember, I have had this scalp eczema since I was 12, but it was never this bad! I have a towel on my pillow and it was all wet this morning with this...... secretion thing. And my hair was all damp!"
He looked at my scalp. "Yeah its like that when its acute, that's why its called "shi zheng (wet illness in mandarin)". There will be secretion when its acute, and the reason why it is this bad now is most likely because you have suffered an infection.....Have you used a different shampoo lately? No? Any contact with chemicals? Do you dye your hair? No? Change in diet? ok, have you had flu or fever recently?"
"Yes I just recovered two weeks ago, finished the anti-biotics and still had the sore throat for another week..."
"That is probably when you are infected. Eczema patients have open wounds around their body as the skin cracks from dryness. That makes Eczema patients easily infected, further more if you are weak from fever, you get infected even more easily. No cause for alarm, Lorena. Use the shampoo I prescribe. I will also give you a heavy 60 tablet steroid course. You take a good 3 days rest. I am giving you 3 days MC. And I want to see you again in another two weeks."
"How long do you think I will take to heal Dr Seow?"
"At least 3 days.... if not then by the end of the week you should be fine."
"Really no cause for alarm? It was never never this bad. Hardly had secretion from half the head, less say the whole head." I sounded.. upset, I guess.
He explained "Yes eczema is rare on the scalp. I do agree with that. you are right. But tis really the same thing, just on a different part of the body." That was not really my question actually, but.......... Anyhow, we then chatted, he asked about my father and brother and I was pleasantly surprised he can still remember them! haha
Went home and popped the pills. Told my parents not to ask me questions and just prepare light lunches and meals for me. Porridge and vegetable was all I wanted to eat. Went into my air-conditioned bedroom hoping to "dry" the secretion. It wouldn't stop. Come evening, shower time, I knew it was going to be horrifying. The instruction given to use the shampoo was "Rub into scalp." I was hestitant, as even just having water over the scalp was painful,... and I am supposed to RUB the shampoo into the scalp?!?!? RUB?~! I did as instructed. Even so I was not ready for the acute pain. Just wished I had fainted from that pain, knock my head against the tap or something and leave this world.
Today was painful as well, not as painful as yesterday, but I braced myself to take a closer look at my scalp. Open wounds all over, without myself scratching. It just came from the soaking in the wet secretion, and thus the scalp was fragile and soft and gives way to even gentle rubbing.
Many times, I really wished I can die straight away. Why suffer from this? I can't do so many things because I have severe eczema. I live in Singapore, a city that is what I called a victim of beauty, outward beauty that is. The number of pretty girls here outnumber girls like me like 90-10. Its a stessful societly whereby people are ruled by outward appearance, whether it be job interviews or social life. I just know from all this pain, that NEVER will I ever have children, for they will suffer like me.
Two states I was in that I will never want my friends to experience:
my pain and itch from eczema, as well as my self-destruction and pain from when my ex left me after a long-term serious relationship.
So see XXX, when I mentioned to make the best of what we have got, this is what I meant. I can be totally negative in one moment, to the extend of wishing I was dead. And then when I look at my parents, and my brother I know I have to endure with whatever I have. Do the best I can, stay sane at least, so they will not be burdened by me. Hence, make the best of whatever I have left. At least till the day my parents leave this world, then I can leave too.
Went home and popped the pills. Told my parents not to ask me questions and just prepare light lunches and meals for me. Porridge and vegetable was all I wanted to eat. Went into my air-conditioned bedroom hoping to "dry" the secretion. It wouldn't stop. Come evening, shower time, I knew it was going to be horrifying. The instruction given to use the shampoo was "Rub into scalp." I was hestitant, as even just having water over the scalp was painful,... and I am supposed to RUB the shampoo into the scalp?!?!? RUB?~! I did as instructed. Even so I was not ready for the acute pain. Just wished I had fainted from that pain, knock my head against the tap or something and leave this world.
Today was painful as well, not as painful as yesterday, but I braced myself to take a closer look at my scalp. Open wounds all over, without myself scratching. It just came from the soaking in the wet secretion, and thus the scalp was fragile and soft and gives way to even gentle rubbing.
Many times, I really wished I can die straight away. Why suffer from this? I can't do so many things because I have severe eczema. I live in Singapore, a city that is what I called a victim of beauty, outward beauty that is. The number of pretty girls here outnumber girls like me like 90-10. Its a stessful societly whereby people are ruled by outward appearance, whether it be job interviews or social life. I just know from all this pain, that NEVER will I ever have children, for they will suffer like me.
Two states I was in that I will never want my friends to experience:
my pain and itch from eczema, as well as my self-destruction and pain from when my ex left me after a long-term serious relationship.
So see XXX, when I mentioned to make the best of what we have got, this is what I meant. I can be totally negative in one moment, to the extend of wishing I was dead. And then when I look at my parents, and my brother I know I have to endure with whatever I have. Do the best I can, stay sane at least, so they will not be burdened by me. Hence, make the best of whatever I have left. At least till the day my parents leave this world, then I can leave too.
And now I have bored you with this complaint letter hahahah, I will release you. Thanks for listening XXX no matter how far you are.
Stay cheerful yeah?
:D
Lorena. Stay cheerful yeah?
:D
22:35 Posted in Blog | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this