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25 August 2007
Let me accept it in full
I love my parents alot.
I adore my brother and have done enough for him.
Least to say, YJ.
And I have done my best and I have tried for too long.
Everyone is selfish in this world.
I have been one very selfish person too.
When I pleaded for us to try again, YJ said when we broke up, "I don't believe you anymore."
Kudos to my parents yeah.
Kinda realised children echo aloud the actions and words of their own parents, because that is the way they are brought up. So this is retribution.
I probably treated YJ the way my parents treat me.
My brother is the way he is because of the way my parents constraint him in all areas of his life. Whatever he does, my parents think he is wrong. When he takes their opinions and does what they say, he finds he is always unhappy because he is not doing what he really wants to. He is handicapped in a way. I am somewhat stuck as well. I am lucky I got my big break away from parents being in Melbourne before. Else I think I will end up just like my brother.
My parents lament "we do not know how to bring kids up, that's why you guys are soooooo 'outstanding'". They say and they 'admit' they can't raise kids in the sarcastic way to instill guilt, again and again, in me and my brother. Just so we get to do what they want us to do. They never really question themselves where they had gone wrong.
I say to my parents "I don't believe you guys, you guys always forget what you guys said yourself and claimed to have never said it."
Ditto.
Kudos to myself.
YJ probably thinks the same way.
Its retribution.
Let me be done with all these people. Parents, brother and YJ. Work let time pass pretty fast. I need to save lotsa money to give my parents and brother.
My life is kind of a waste, following instructions, doing things parents tell us to do. We are born to obey.
Perhaps I should be happy that I am at least alive?
Let me accept everything with a sombre dance. I will be fine.
19:00 Posted in Blog | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
Lust
Yesterday I browsed his artworks.
He documented, with picture details, his room before and after cleaning.
Mood: Lust.
Many pictures with Denise. He would have known Denise more than 2 years from now. Makes a good pair. I have to admit they really look good together, and I feel this is a good union and that it will last.
Should have guessed when I saw his picture with Xiujuan and Denise, something is up.
He only shows important people to his mum and Xiujuan.
Ok.
18:55 Posted in Blog | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
14 August 2007
Wisen up!
I need my brother to wisen up! Please please please let him be less selfish and be able control his temper! PLLLLEAEAAAASSEE stop smoking and drinking. I need him to be more gentle with his words to family members! I need him to care for my parents more! ARRRRRGH! Please have him realise how much I love him. Please let him realise I am his only sibling!
I need my mum to be more sociable and active.
I need my dad to be less stubborn. I need my dad to be in the pink of health.
I need to be able to communicate with them.
Heck! I think we all need to be less stubborn and less hot-tempered!
I want my skin to heal completely and eczema to never return.
I need to be able to handle colleagues more skillfully. I need to succeed at work!
I need confidence!
I need faith!
I need higher IQ and EQ.
I STILL need justice.
00:05 Posted in Blog | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this