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24 January 2006
CONTRADICTIONS
Why am I so upset?
Why am I so upset when you tell me you will watch a certain movie with me,
only to let me know later you have watched it with your friends.
I do, after all, know there is nothing much you can do with a bunch of single friends
but eat, drink, catch a show, go ktv and clubbing in Singapore.
Why am I so upset?
Why am I so upset when you tell me you are clubbing with your friends or in ktv with your friends.
I get upset that they can make you go KTV or even slightly dance, when I can never have you do that with me.
I do, after all, know there is nothing much you can do with a bunch of single friends
but eat, drink, catch a show, go ktv and clubbing in Singapore.
Why am I so upset?
Why am I so upset when you can never say NO to your friends,
when they ask to meet up.
I get upset that you are much more eager to meet them and put arrangments with me aside,
than spend more time with me.
Even though you meet some of them almost every day.
I do, after all, know that it is much more fun to hang out with a bunch of single friends,
who can make you happier, and I bore you.
Why am I so upset?
Why am I so upset, when I feel I am never in your plans?
I am but a side dish, your main dish are your friends.
They ask and you will always be there,
then somehow affect my time with you.
I have, after all, received a ring from you
and you said it meant I am taken.
Why am I so upset?
Why am I so upset when you keep spending time with a few certain girls?
You think I do not trust you, I think I do not trust them.
They recognise my place in your life, but don't acknowledge it.
They call you for emotional support, and you treat them as gently as you treat me.
I do, after all, know they are at least 5 years younger,
and are prettier than me.
Why am I so upset?
Why am I so upset when you say you will committ to some tasks,
then keep saying its "tomorrow" when friends ask you out,
or you just don't feel like doing it?
It irritates me that you do not prioritise your serious tasks at hand,
to be more important than having fun.
I fear you will in the future,
not realise your committment as a boyfriend to an older girlfriend,
have promises to me made empty, and I will be stranded.
I do, after all, know you are only 23 and it is still the time to have fun.
Why am I so upset?
Why am I so upset when I tell you all that I feel, I get angry all the time,
only to have you feeling disappointed and depressed?
I feel that I have caused things to get worse,
I fear that I may have lost you.
I fear you are always thinking I am angry
and is always fearful of me.
I do, after all, come pleading and crying to you not to feel that way,
but understand what I am thinking.
I know you are not to be blamed for my insecurity,
my possessiveness,
my wandering thoughts.
Is this payback time?
You used to complain I had too much friends,
that you are irritated my plans are filled with them,
and there was not enough time for you.
But that was when we had only started, I still had my single life.
Now the relationship is established, and I have been living an attached life.
But it used to be different! It used to be the other way round!
I was your movie kaki, I was more important,
you seeked for my time whenever available.
Do you still have the desire to protect and provide for me?
There is no perfect relationship,
and in all other areas, you have been a wonderful boyfriend.
I know we still love each other.
And I know I do contradict myself.
I am trying to improve but it is hard.
Do help me.
01:40 Posted in Blog | Permalink | Email this
Comments
This is very good and touching. It makes me think that maybe my girlfriend has these thoughts too. I will try to be a better boyfriend now and understand her more. I will try to spend more time with her and let her know how important she is to me. Thank you!
Posted by: John | 10 February 2006
Wow, am flattered. And with your feedback, am encouraged to know there are guys like you who will try their best to make their girlfriends happy.
Keep it up John.
Posted by: Lorena | 26 February 2006
Simple site, but I write all my deepest thoughts.
Thanks all for encouragement :)
Posted by: Lorena | 04 March 2006
whatta nice post
--rrrandom comment---
Posted by: iin | 18 September 2006