29 June 2008
What's becoming of me?
First, it was the fluttering feeling.
Then for some reason, as if I have called out to him, he approaches me for a job issue.
Then there is someone else that I keep seeing here and there around the office as well.
And for goodness sake, they are probably all younger than me.
So when the one approaches me and I have directed him to my boss (as I can't make decisions on his issue concerned), and I felt that I have offended him, I sulked whole day. I went to my subordinates resting in the pantry and said "I have offended someone, and wo xi huan ta hen jiu le!"
Now the initial reaction from them was laughter, and shocked. The next reaction is probably "gosh who is she to like a handsome young thing like him?" And yeah, they both think he is very very attractive.
I have to really absorb the fact I am no longer as attractive as I once was. and I was NEVER attractive enough for THAT kind of guy. Just my ex. hahahah
I feel like I am going mad and turning desperate!
One way good to remind myself is to remember how I view a senior friend, who was 30 of age and I thought it would be difficult for her to get married.
I remember the aged skin and the wrinkles around her eyes. That should help.
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24 June 2008
My Heart Flutters
As mentioned before, I am not for people who can't seem to live without a partner. I think a single person an be as fulfilled as everybody else who has a married life.
But why does my heart wander when I do not have a relationship / when I get over a relationship?
It seems that it is always searching, searching to rest on someone.
My eyes searches for potential guys, and heart flutters when it senses one.
Some of them will keep hanging in my mind.
Then I have to snap back to reality to remind myself that I am no longer as attractive as I once was.
Recently I dreamt of a guy I had never met in my life. He has braces and he just smiles and smiles.
I do not know whether I was actually afraid of that image but I was not scared awake.
I don't like this pulling myself back to the ground to avoid floating and getting carried away, being attracted to certain guys in the office. I am watching myself closely to avoid showing that I am attracted to them. I sometimes give myself away without knowing.
THIS IS SICKENING!
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19 June 2008
My brother and his new girl
Last night, after I retired to bed, there were footsteps just outside my room.
Then the lights in the stairway went on.
It was my brother, saying "shhhhh"
He led this girl up the stairs to our rooms. And he peeped into mine. My eyes wide open.
That stupid girl peeped in too. I stared back at her.
What kind of guest of a house, peeps into a person's bedroom when she can see that someone is already lying on the bed!?
What kind of idiotic person is she?
And these few nights, my brother has been watching movies with this girl. And sending her home. Obviously he is pursuing her. Perhaps they had forgone the Siem Reap trip cause my brother can't go and he decided to get the girl all the way from China to Singapore instead.
Then again, I am not really that sure that the girl is the same one from China am I?
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